Days have gotten better, don't get me wrong. Lyndon continues to love me, and we continue to mend our relationship. I can confidently say that there are now days when I don't think about it at all. It used to consume my every thought, my every second. At least I've moved on from that.
There are other days though. Days when my self esteem is low and one reminder keeps me from looking in any mirrors. Days when my inability to trust him gets the better of me. Days when merely seeing something sparks a memory that sends me stumbling down the same dark path I've walked many times.
I intended for this blog to be a fun way to let you all in on our first few years of marriage. I had wanted to start sharing silly things like recipes and my DIY disasters. I'd even considered the possibility of sharing our lives when children came onto the scene. Having a blog like that, even though there are millions that are exactly the same, was something that excited me.
But everything has changed. I've experienced hurt like I never have before. I was so looking forward to healing and moving on from all of this. I never knew healing would hurt this much.